i'm far too young to understand the true complexities of life.
i'm no 80 year-old who can say she has lived a full life. i have neither lived for a quarter of a century, nor seen four popes come and pass. i have no grandchildren to share my stories of my childhood to, for i myself am still living it.
i'm no 65 year-old who can say she has seen it all. i have seen nothing, heard nothing, experienced nothing compared to those before me. my life is still an empty book, its pages waiting to be filled with stories of great adventure, of disappointment, of anguish, of love.
i'm no 50-year old who can say she has seen more than half of her life. i have not watched my children have children of their own. i have not seen how oddly the third generation acts, or seen how it kids of today are so much different from those of before. i am much too busy seeing how people three generations before are simply perplexed at how different my generation is from theirs.
i'm no 30 year-old who can say that raising her own children is much harder than she perceived. i have not experienced the pain of childbirth, and i'm not even sure i want to experience it. i do know how to balance a checkbook, but i have no idea where to get that money to balance from. i have never experienced a day of hunger in my life—i do not know how to earn money from, i do not know how hard it is to earn every single peso i spend. i do not know how to work for a living. i do not know how it is to sweat for everything i need. i only know to carefully time when i ask for money. i only know to do good and get good grades when i want something. i only know what i can have and cannot even ask for. i only know to be tactful.
i'm no 20-year old who has seen the confines of college. i do not know how to live alone. i do not know how to budget money given to me to survive the week. i do not know how to do my own laundry, to wash the dishes i have eaten from, or cook the food that i will eat. i only know how to receive, and be thankful for those that i do. i only know that this lifestyle will not last forever, that an end to my dependence will eventually come.
i am a mere 15 year-old. i only know to ask, to receive, and to thank.
i do not know how much life is like a city—there are many streets, but eventually you will learn your way through them. there are different alleys, backways and passageways that are a bit unconventional but will get you to your destination faster than the street would. there are streets that you thought you knew, but lead to different places once you tried to walk along it. there are places that you thought were dangerous, but underneath the façade was a rich culture waiting to be discovered.
i haven't experienced anything more than the emotional anguish of being a teen. money is no object—it is at my beck and call. everyone is there for me, guiding my way in the new streets i stride.
to me life's ups and downs are the works of my peers—those who like me and those who don't. i do know that this is trivial, but with everyone else handling every other aspect of my life, i have no choice but to focus on this one. i seem to carry the weight of my friends' problems, for even though my parents are the ones solving mine for me, i unintentionally appreciate my friends' company more than that of my parents. i try to protect them in any way i could, even if it causes me more distress than that of what my own problems give me.
and then there are the people who seem to be against me. i am doing nothing ill, yet other people seem to find something wrong. i simply fight for my friends, my family and all others i love. i simply stand up for what i believe in, sometimes fearing judgment, but never thinking of future imlplications when i act on my feelings. yet people seem to be looking at the negative part of my actions, never on my actual reason of doing it. people puzzle me, especially when they judge how i act on my feelings when they merely act on their own.
i know i should not be affected by what others say or do. i know i should learn to accept the fact that not everyone will agree with what i do, with what i think, and what i believe. i know that i should know that other people may not be as open-minded as i am. i know i should know they can be fierce in judging others' faults while not being blind to their own.
i know i should learn that people are people, and nothing can change that.
but what i know surpasses what i have learned. i might know these things, but i am immature enough to know their true meaning.
but for now i will condole myself, knowing the novel of my life is the one i myself write.
i'm no 80 year-old who can say she has lived a full life. i have neither lived for a quarter of a century, nor seen four popes come and pass. i have no grandchildren to share my stories of my childhood to, for i myself am still living it.
i'm no 65 year-old who can say she has seen it all. i have seen nothing, heard nothing, experienced nothing compared to those before me. my life is still an empty book, its pages waiting to be filled with stories of great adventure, of disappointment, of anguish, of love.
i'm no 50-year old who can say she has seen more than half of her life. i have not watched my children have children of their own. i have not seen how oddly the third generation acts, or seen how it kids of today are so much different from those of before. i am much too busy seeing how people three generations before are simply perplexed at how different my generation is from theirs.
i'm no 30 year-old who can say that raising her own children is much harder than she perceived. i have not experienced the pain of childbirth, and i'm not even sure i want to experience it. i do know how to balance a checkbook, but i have no idea where to get that money to balance from. i have never experienced a day of hunger in my life—i do not know how to earn money from, i do not know how hard it is to earn every single peso i spend. i do not know how to work for a living. i do not know how it is to sweat for everything i need. i only know to carefully time when i ask for money. i only know to do good and get good grades when i want something. i only know what i can have and cannot even ask for. i only know to be tactful.
i'm no 20-year old who has seen the confines of college. i do not know how to live alone. i do not know how to budget money given to me to survive the week. i do not know how to do my own laundry, to wash the dishes i have eaten from, or cook the food that i will eat. i only know how to receive, and be thankful for those that i do. i only know that this lifestyle will not last forever, that an end to my dependence will eventually come.
i am a mere 15 year-old. i only know to ask, to receive, and to thank.
i do not know how much life is like a city—there are many streets, but eventually you will learn your way through them. there are different alleys, backways and passageways that are a bit unconventional but will get you to your destination faster than the street would. there are streets that you thought you knew, but lead to different places once you tried to walk along it. there are places that you thought were dangerous, but underneath the façade was a rich culture waiting to be discovered.
i haven't experienced anything more than the emotional anguish of being a teen. money is no object—it is at my beck and call. everyone is there for me, guiding my way in the new streets i stride.
to me life's ups and downs are the works of my peers—those who like me and those who don't. i do know that this is trivial, but with everyone else handling every other aspect of my life, i have no choice but to focus on this one. i seem to carry the weight of my friends' problems, for even though my parents are the ones solving mine for me, i unintentionally appreciate my friends' company more than that of my parents. i try to protect them in any way i could, even if it causes me more distress than that of what my own problems give me.
and then there are the people who seem to be against me. i am doing nothing ill, yet other people seem to find something wrong. i simply fight for my friends, my family and all others i love. i simply stand up for what i believe in, sometimes fearing judgment, but never thinking of future imlplications when i act on my feelings. yet people seem to be looking at the negative part of my actions, never on my actual reason of doing it. people puzzle me, especially when they judge how i act on my feelings when they merely act on their own.
i know i should not be affected by what others say or do. i know i should learn to accept the fact that not everyone will agree with what i do, with what i think, and what i believe. i know that i should know that other people may not be as open-minded as i am. i know i should know they can be fierce in judging others' faults while not being blind to their own.
i know i should learn that people are people, and nothing can change that.
but what i know surpasses what i have learned. i might know these things, but i am immature enough to know their true meaning.
but for now i will condole myself, knowing the novel of my life is the one i myself write.
