kung kaya ko lang lokohin ang sarili ko...
being with you here makes me sane/i fear i'll go crazy if you leave my side...
kung kaya ko lang lokohin ang sarili ko...matagal ko na sanang ginawa.
kasi madalas ko ring isipin...ano ba talagang meron siya na nagustuhan ko? kasi, tulad nga ng sinasabi ko madalas...i f-ing hate him (or like him, depending on the day). parang weird lang kasi minsan talaga hindi ko maisip kung bakit ko xa gusto. pero minsan naman, well, opposite nun.
ano ba, nasanay lang ba ko? na xa yung lagi kong pinagbabalingan ng attention?
siguro.
pero...ano ba naman yan...so far, this has been the hardest letting go i've gone through. naisip ko, baka nasasabi ko lang yun dahil eto yung pinaka-recent...at baka nga. ang iba kasi sa sitch na 'to eh he considers me his best friend. i mean, hello, OUCH.
but now that i think of it, okay lang naman sakin. hindi ko nga lang matanggal sa system ko yung selos part, saka yung fake knowledge na he has eyes only for me (alam kong hindi, pero may part pa rin ng sarili ko na ayaw maniwala no matter how many friggin times i tell it). actually, i've never ever had someone tell me flat out that i'm his/her best friend, so in a weird way, it's kinda flattering.
kasi dati, whenever asked kung sino yung best friend ko, "sarili ko." ang lagi kong sinasagot. now i know i have someone who i can be totally honest with. buti na lang. i did something really risky pa nga this weekend eh...i told him that The Other Girl was making me jealous. at first i thought it was a really really really stupid thing to do, but now that i think of it, okay naman pala. kasi i never intended to send the message...i just accidentally pushed the 'send' button. buti na lang pala napindot ko. malaking bawas rin yun sa mga problema ko. tapos ayun nga...sarap pala maging honest!
that freakish accident has been a real blessing in disguise. kasi now, i have full knowledge na whatever happens, friends pa rin kami. nasabi ko na ang isa sa mga pinakamalupit na puede mong sabihin sa isang lalaki. at hindi pa lumayo. naging mas close pa nga kami. ngayon, naisip ko na siguro nga it's stuff like these that forge a strong bond between friends.
pero honestly, SINONG NILOKO KO?
i'm still not over him, pero malapit na siguro. time is what i need. i still don't want him going off and flirting with other girls, though. it drives me MAD!!!
i think the best solution for this is for me to get an actual boyfriend. two words though:
FAT CHANCE.
***
[EDIT: Naloloka na ko. Hahaha!!!]
